By Amrita Lit
The other day I was wandering around downtown Vancouver with my husband and baby. A little bit up the street from us I saw a woman visibly upset and shouting at her boyfriend or husband. He was attempting to comfort her and calm her down but he wasn’t having much luck. She was super angry and kept gesturing to his pocket. I got kind of nervous to cross their path with my baby (being the super cautious Type A momma bear I am) so we kind of just slowed down and decided to let them have their moment.
Then came the line we’ve all said at one point or another, “Show me your phone!” she screamed at him with all her fury and might. He nervously laughed but didn’t dare pull out his phone. And then it hit me. The realization that technology has truly changed the way relationships are nowadays. Gone are the days of monogamy and trust. It’s just all too easy to cyber cheat. Or have phones hide the dirty work of actual cheat cheating. So you just got to wonder – where do you draw the line?
What’s considered cheating to you? Is it one too many likes on another girl’s picture? Or maybe it’s secret deleted convos from last weekends drunken hookups. Texting and emails have made having a little somthin’ somthin’ on the side all too casual. Not to mention the major trust issues it has caused. I can’t count the amount of times I have misinterpreted something I saw in my husband’s phone which turned me into inspector Gadget going through every single aspect of his online life.
It’s a sad time for love. If that’s what you even want to call it. Where did that ‘old school love go?’ The kind where if you’re with someone you’re REALLY with someone. You’re not in so called “open relationships.” Where the lines of commitment are blurred and overstepped one too many times. No one even fears going for another person’s significant other anymore because being secretive is just all too easy with cell phones and computers to hide behind.
We’re all losing our moral consciences and subsequently relationships are losing that intimacy, respect, and trust factor. I do wonder when the turning point will come. I am lucky enough to be in a fully committed relationship in which I have seldom to worry about. But the fact remains that marriages are having more and more riding against them these days. It’s no wonder people are breaking up and throwing in the towel left, right, and centre. The world being your oyster isn’t always a good thing.
We are receiving the false impression that there’s always so much better out there for us. The temptation is all too real and it’s following us like a plague every waking moment. What do you see all over your social media feeds? Men and women alike portraying their very best sexualized versions of themselves to attract the opposite sex, or make their significant others jealous. Maybe this is a huge generalization. But I tell ya it’s not far from the truth. We’ve all got to be careful of what image we are putting out the world because that’s the one being thrown right back at us. And the mentality of fun and carefree living is not helping us much in the long run that’s for sure.
Then there’s the question of just how far is too far when it comes being secretive of our phones. Well yes it’s blatantly obvious that you are not being faithful if the reason you protect your phone like it’s your handheld pacemaker or something is because you are speaking to someone else inappropriately on it. This is clear cut infidelity. But what about pornography? What about all those borderline nude photo accounts you follow? How about the girl or guy that you are “just friends with” and causually text here and there? If you wouldn’t do it in the flesh in front of your partner – then what makes it okay in pixel format?
Not to mention the fact that quality time with one another has now turned into being honed into our phones the entire time. I find myself guilty of this as well. I’ll be so occupied with updating my various social media outlets or writing random tidbits into my phone for future post ideas that I don’t realize I am completely ignoring my husband. And of course he is at times so consumed with his own phones that he’s doing it right back and neither of us realize it. Maybe it’s time to drawback and unplug for a while in order to reconnect to one another once again.
Just another one of my random thoughts which turned into a major realization. So the next time he or she demands to see your phone. Just hand it on over – and if she discovers something which sparks a fight, well maybe you two need to question if you’re actually better off single and doing whatever you’re doing out in the open. It would be a lot better of a feeling than being in constant lockdown secret mode with your partner.